See Me!

I used to hope and dream
to be like those girls
who wake up perfect
from toe to curl.

But why don't you see
the person I am
instead of only wishing
I would be like them?

Every time I open
my eyes from their rest
a tear makes its way
from cheek to chest.

Because what I see
is not what I dreamt
and I know I won't be
even close to that perfect!

Why don't you see
Who I really am
and let me be
the person I can?



January 5th, 2006

A Memory Gladly Forgotten

Just a note that the following is a journal entry that I found. The feelings portrayed in it are now just a distant memory. I have only my friends to thank, for bringing me back to life.

"When I look in the mirror, I don't see myself. It's like I stare but I don't see Lauren staring back. And it hurts. It hurts to know that I can't even see myself. I am empty. My eyes droop, my smile sags, and my skin is colorless. So when someone looks at me I know what they're looking at: a body. They still think it's me. I respond as that girl in the mirror. You may call her Lauren, but Lauren's not home anymore. She left, and I have no idea how to get a hold of her. I miss her. No one else seems to search for her though. And I am afraid that I'm not good enough for her return. I'm scared that if no one starts searching she may never come back."


03/03/06